CMOs, Stop Hiding Behind Vanity Metrics—It's Time to Own the Damn Business Outcomes
Let’s get one thing straight before we head into another autumn stuffed with LinkedIn ‘growth’ webinars: The Chief Marketing Officer in 2026 has become a glorified PowerPoint jockey, obsessed with engagement rates and ‘brand sentiment’ slides. The result? CMOs have traded in their seat at the grown-ups’ table for a corner office in the land of make-believe KPIs. The real rot set in when CMOs let themselves become custodians of activity—endless campaigns, social posts, content calendars—rather than the owners of actual business results. It’s not just sad, it’s negligent. I’ve watched agencies and in-house teams alike deliver reports to Fortune 500 execs where the biggest win was ‘15% month-over-month increase in impressions.’ Meanwhile, sales are flatlining and CAC is out of control.
This isn’t just a theoretical rant. Last Tuesday, I sat in a Midtown conference room watching a CMO get steamrolled by the CFO over a failed quarter. All the CMO could offer was a parade of ‘awareness metrics’ and a few TikTok case studies. The CFO wanted to know why customer retention numbers were tanking and revenue was stuck in neutral. The CMO had no answers—because, for years, our entire industry has told them that their job is to ‘drive engagement,’ not to drive the damn business.
The CMO role got neutered by analytics dashboards, agency slideware, and the cult of the never-ending campaign. God help you if you mention the word ‘outcomes’ in a room full of lazy brand strategists—they’ll look at you like you broke the fourth wall. It’s a cargo cult, and the grift is real: Agencies push more campaigns, CMOs push more dashboards, everyone gets paid, and nobody is accountable for what matters.
If you’re a CMO reading this on a Friday afternoon, here’s your uncomfortable recommendation: Start by throwing out half your current metrics. Nobody cares how many people ‘engaged.’ Start reporting on revenue, profit, retention, and LTV, and fire any agency that can’t tie their work to one of those numbers. If your CEO still wants to hear about ‘reach,’ you’re working for a dinosaur. The next chapter for the CMO isn’t about more tools or new channels—it’s about growing a spine and owning the business again.
